Dear Sir or Madam

As I sit here at my desk authoring this wildly witty letter of resignation I am forced to recollect the last several years of my employment.

There was the time when I refused to give a random man turn-by turn directions to the home of a private citizen. I was written up for poor customer service… I wonder what form of disciplinary action would have taken place if I had provided too much information to this gentleman and it resulted in the loss of life or property.

Or that time when my fiancee and I broke up and then I was sanctioned for not being nice to the co-worker who set us up on our first date. Did I mention that she had a huge crush on my fiancee and during our whole relationship she tried to get him to leave me?

Oh, I know what was funny. That time you gave me a huge and urgent project and then wanted to know why other things weren’t completed…

Boss, I’m over it. I’m not coming back. To replace me I’ve purchased a doormat with the words “Wipe Feet Here.” Have a good life!

Dir Sir or Madam

I regret to inform you that I am no longer capable of completing my job in a successful manner. Why, you ask? Well, you have deemed it necessary to obtain the opinions of others in regards to tasks that I alone am responsible for completing. When I offer my opinion I am berated and told that I need to be trained better. Well, as I am the only one responsible for these tasks, I ask you, who will train me?
Have fun training someone else… oh, wait… you can’t since you have no idea what I actually do!!!

Signed,
Completely Fed Up With The Foolishness

Dear Sir or Madam,

Many employees struggle with writing a letter of resignation.  I am not that employee.  I am over it – done.

Several months ago you informed me that despite three years of intensive training you were being “forced” to interview new applicants for the position in which I was preparing for.  I expected there would be others to be interviewed… what I did not expect was that I was to be excluded from this interview process.  “Be patient,” you said.  “We might not like anyone they send over,” was another quip.  Today, without no warning, you began interviews.  I was forced to come face-to-face with the people who were interviewing to take away my dream job.  I said nothing to you.  I allowed all of these people to be paraded past my desk while I was slaving away at tasks none of them are equipped to handle.

Between the one who couldn’t complete a full sentence, the one whose perfume strangled me, and the one who cowered in her chair I’m sure you’ll have a great selection pool.  Have fun training them, by-the-way.  I’ll be on the beach sipping margaritas!

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I’ll be leaving in two weeks.  Yes, I know it’s not the end of a payroll period.  No, I don’t care that it makes payroll more difficult.  It’ll be good training for my replacement!

Peace out!