Dear Sir or Madam

As I sit here at my desk authoring this wildly witty letter of resignation I am forced to recollect the last several years of my employment.

There was the time when I refused to give a random man turn-by turn directions to the home of a private citizen. I was written up for poor customer service… I wonder what form of disciplinary action would have taken place if I had provided too much information to this gentleman and it resulted in the loss of life or property.

Or that time when my fiancee and I broke up and then I was sanctioned for not being nice to the co-worker who set us up on our first date. Did I mention that she had a huge crush on my fiancee and during our whole relationship she tried to get him to leave me?

Oh, I know what was funny. That time you gave me a huge and urgent project and then wanted to know why other things weren’t completed…

Boss, I’m over it. I’m not coming back. To replace me I’ve purchased a doormat with the words “Wipe Feet Here.” Have a good life!

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